I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
