you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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