i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
