Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
