Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize