I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
