Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
