Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
