oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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