And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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