dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
