I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
