gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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