Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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