I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There r osticjed everywhere
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
