Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
