she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
