My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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