Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
