Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
