I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
