we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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