I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
