He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
