My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
