how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She's the barista slut.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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