If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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