Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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