There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
