you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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