hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
