so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
