He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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