is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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