I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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