please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
