just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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