It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
