Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
