She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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