he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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