he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
