I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Panties = found
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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