doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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