I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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