that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
