Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I cannot find my penis.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're a waste of cheezeits
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize