i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
