You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Shame - the story of my life.
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