don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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