He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
