I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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