they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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