I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
where are you?
Hypothermia
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
