i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
