u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
