The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
