Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
