Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
