he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
