he thought i was a dude.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you had me at cake vodka
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
