hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
