I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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