and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
