You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
