Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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