I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
