I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
