RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
