every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
