found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize