I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
