Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
