The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
