yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
