this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
50% drunk capacity currently
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize