A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
