I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
