She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
