the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
