When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
