So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My pussy is not your playground.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
