My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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