I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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