Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
