I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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