i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
