I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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