You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize