He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
