shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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