so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
