a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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