Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
