Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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