i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
