You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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