Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
