I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
